cola marmalade and ashy booze

unsnackable vol. 14



Dec 14 2020

4 mins read


I didn't expect to spend so much of this year thinking about logistics. There are silent negotiations and scratch calculations, mismanaged time and resources. Rigging the perfect lighting setup for zoom to hide that I was too lazy to put on foundation. Ordering new masks because I forgot to use my vision insurance on contacts and my glasses fog up in anything other than ear loop baggus. Carving out the moments that make me feel alive despite the global Panera.

I spent this weekend elbow deep in flour and sugar and 15 pounds of butter. Twenty-eight sticks of butter browned one by one in my largest pot with extra milk powder for flavor, trying desperately to regain the muscle memory that powered me through selling hundreds of cookies via mail years ago. But the logistics kept slipping through my fingers, infallible recipes turned finicky by the power of what can only be explained as bad vibes. Just because there is a dormant pleasure center in my brain that only reacts when someone tells me they enjoyed something I baked. My saving grace was a meatball tray turned indispensable cookie prep tool recommended by my friend John, a certified cookie (and sock) expert.


If only I could shuffle my thoughts into a meatball tray to organize them, but until I can make that happen, I'll just channel that chaotic energy into a new batch of unsnackables.

the unsnackables


I keep a running list of flavor profiles I want to build into a baked good, preferably a cake because it is the language of pastry in which I am the most fluent. One that has been very high on the list since I read about Caffe Panna's Raspberry twizzler ice cream is a movie theater cake featuring a popcorn steeped buttercream and a fluffy sponge cake made with coke and a berry & twizzler jam? coulis? something of that nature. This candy bar takes a similar approach by combining popcorn bits and a cola marmalade filling. Cola marmalade! Incredible!


The transitive property of pork dictates that I have an affection for these german chips. They are pork knuckle and beer-flavored, and the pork knuckle is just a ham hock prepared differently, and I appreciate ham hocks because ham hocks are used to make collards and collards are a certified perfect food when prepared correctly. I love applied mathematics.


Asashi Shuzo is a small brewery that has an incredible line of sake called Dassai crafted with care and is priced accordingly. MOS Burger is a chain more known for its accessibility than for its innovation. It is exciting to see the two companies come together to create a Vanilla Amazake shake that lets each of their respective strengths shine.


For a long time, I thought that Japanese Chu-Hi were the only type of RTD beverage that I held a categorical affection for, but maybe Long Drinks deserve a place in my heart too. This Latvian variety features brandy and rowanberries, aka mountain ash. It sounds mighty swell.


森永嗨啾軟糖袋裝 (Taiwan)- Peter Kavinsky isn't alone in appreciating yogurt drinks. I love "lactic acid flavor" in every form. This Hi-Chew popped up at my local 7-11, reminding me that 7-11 gets new and international release flavors of the candy before anyone else.

I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.14 of unsnackable.

If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.

Think you’ll miss me before unsnackable v.15 comes to your inbox? follow me on other parts of the internet and tell me about what you’re snacking on or tell me what your ultimate movie theater snack order was (remember movie theaters?)

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I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.

I think there has been a lot more discussion about substack as a platform lately and I’ve considered shifting this newsletter to a paid subscription (because I do spend a lot of time researching snacks!) but I like sending something nice to your inboxes for free every week, so if you’d like to support my snack related endeavors you can find me on venmo at thefolu or on paypal

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