sleep demons and shroom cream

unsnackable vol. 25

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Folu

Mar 01 2021

4 mins read

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Since the beginning, this newsletter has been a quiet ode to my love of artificial energy. Both in its pure 5-hour essence and through remembrances of the golden era of Sparks and 4Loko. But in the spirit of accountability, I have to come clean about something.

I am an adult without caffeine dependence. Never has that been more apparent than when I used my iPad (that I’ve effectively blocked from all forms of social media) to send myself three text messages at 2:20 AM on Tuesday.

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I'm still clinging to the false comfort of keeping my phone outside of my bedroom at night so I did this off the strength of my newly reckless habit of drinking pure cold brew concentrate with a dash of cream. I think I found it comforting because there was a point in my overachieving millennial high school experience where I would get home from my extracurriculars at 8:30 or 9, sleep from 10 PM-4 AM then consume a single tablespoon of instant coffee to give me enough energy to finish my homework. To be clear, I have no homework and no meaningful experiences or goals on most days, so my body has no reason to process that much caffeine.

But maybe I should thank that caffeine sleep demon for giving me an idea for this dessert.

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Studies have shown one of the most fool-proof ways to ward off sleep demons in any form is about reading about some new unsnackables


the unsnackables



sweet

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Circus Animal cookies were always one of my favorite nearly forbidden childhood treats. Requesting them was a gamble. What if bungled communication left you with animal crackers (regular or the much worse iced flavor) to work through? Snack time baggies filled with disappointment because you didn't lean on a safe choice like Kudos bars. The reward of those sprinkle-covered symbols of widespread animal cruelty was worth the risk. Griffins Candy Bear 100s and 1000s Biscuits are the NZ equivalent of Circus Animals and this collab with Whittaker's is like my childhood sugar tantrums distilled into a candy bar meant to taste like sweet pink frosting.


savory


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They say that cream rises to the top but America's snacks barely acknowledge cream unless it is whipped or fermented into sour cream to be paired with onion. These chips honor how simmered cream can enrich the earthiness of a mushroom and turn those flavors into a chip. I'm pro-fungus, pro-cream, but still extremely anti-milk.


thirsty


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I appreciate that the participatory illusion of jelly soda makes the experience feel so theatrical. You chill the can and shake it heartily for a few seconds and you're rewarded with fizzy loose jello. I know that doesn't sound like a reward, but I promise it is quite good


boozy


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Whenever a beloved international snack or beverage with reformulated to comply with American regulations, or even worse, the "palette of the American customer" it is almost always a scourge instead of a blessing. Scotland's pride and joy, Irn Bru, was reformulated for American import, rendering it merely adequate. I'd rather have the full-strength version, but if I can't have that, I will accept this RTD knockoff



unsnackableIRL

Erchang Peach (China)- A few of my favorite instashibas took pictures with the early blooming cherry blossoms in Japan and I felt like I needed to join in so I grabbed this very cute beverage to join in the festivities. It has an almost overwhelming floral scent but tastes mostly of pure sugar.

(This isn’t spon for YamiBuy but if you make a purchase, use my referral code and let me know what you get!)


I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.25 of unsnackable.

If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.

Think you’ll miss me before unsnackable v.26 comes to your inbox? follow me on other parts of the internet and tell me about what you’re snacking on or tell me what you think your sleep demon eats before perching in your bedroom late at night to make sure you don’t sleep well.

@notfolu on insta

@notfolu on twitter

I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.

I think there has been a lot more discussion about substack as a platform lately and I’ve considered shifting this newsletter to a paid subscription (because I do spend a lot of time researching snacks!) but I like sending something nice to your inboxes for free every week, so if you’d like to support my snack related endeavors you can find me on venmo at thefolu or on paypal

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