The weather is getting warmer and if I was a better person, I'd be leaning into the rituals of spring cleaning. Saturday morning soundtracks of my youth both revisited and accompanied by new favorites. The gloves and grout and forgotten corners bathed in light and chemicals (in their singular form, not the terrifying chemical cocktails celebrated on cleantok).
This spring requires something a little different. Dusting off parts of myself that I folded away into dark corners for survival's sake. I try to look at myself with a kinder eye, relearning instincts that didn't require thought in the past. I might have accepted that "the before times" doesn't exist, but can I accept that the person I used to be might not exist either?
I've fallen into the comforting embrace of capitalism, trying to buy my way into a sense of self. In absence of my formerly steadfast aesthetic compass, I read listicles & trend pieces, but there is little guidance to be found in the post-facebook clickbait carnage. So I keep guessing and returning what doesn't suit me. Mint is mad at me, but my budget will eventually sit at an acceptable equilibrium.
There is one part of my personality that is as vivid as it's ever been- my ability to lean into the bit and draw inspiration from a meme. That's why I called my bougie butcher shop the other day to see if they had any shrimp with acceptable sourcing in stock. $19 a pound so I could coat it in cereal. I’d be ashamed if it didn’t taste so good.
The half-life of memes gets shorter with every passing day, but hopefully, these snacks have a bit more longevity. Please join me in mentally sampling these everlasting unsnackables
There is a meditative trance that washes over you after watching videos of Brazilians slowly dissembling their traditional football-sized Easter chocolate eggs on social media. They crack the glossy, tempered shells of ovos de Páscoa and reveal sweet fillings or the illusion of emptiness disproven by a closer look at a thicker filled base. Outback Steakhouse found a pandemic-friendly way to insert themselves into the national tradition by creating this DIY kit filled with hollow chocolate egg halves, brownies, and sweet sauces.
My singular shame after a year of cooking more than any human should be expected to is that I never dug deep enough to use my pasta maker. I can make so much magic happen in my tiny kitchen with no counters, but pasta just felt out of reach. Luckily, I'm incredibly talented and intuitive, I'll make carby magic happen when the mood strikes. Until that time, I will yearn for these pasta-flavored oat chips.
While I remain traumatized by the flavor of certain childhood medicines, my response to others is pavlovian in the purest sense. I truly support this menthol-tinged smoothie shot meant to taste like children's cough drops. It might be sober lean and the second cough-drop inspired beverage I've featured, but the sassy teenaged mascot makes me want to try it.
I didn't stop drinking during quar but I think I lost my patience for spirit-forward, multiple component cocktails. My mental rubric has room for canned RTDs, variations on "this tastes like juice but also with booze", and anything I just pour into a glass and sip. The Cypriot national drink, a brandy sour made with a distillate spirit called Zivania (similar to ouzo/grappa) and squash/soda/lemonade, is a beautiful example of the second category. This aged variety of Zivania is spiced and aged to reveal aromas of tobacco, bergamot, and fig.
Last week I wrote a note about unsnackable’s future on a platform outside of substack, and I’m still working through that process but it will live on as a newsletter that comes to your inbox!
I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.29 of unsnackable.
If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.
Think you’ll miss me before unsnackable v.30 comes to your inbox? follow me on other parts of the internet and tell me about what you’re snacking on or tell me what you’d fill a giant chocolate egg with.
I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.
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