subtle corniness and a farewell

unsnackable vol. 34



May 03 2021

6 mins read


More than a year ago, when lockdown felt more like one of the looming international crises that compassionately sit in the corner of my perception instead of my daily reality, I had a birthday. I've had a birthday in January every year since I was...born, but this was a big birthday and I had grand designs to find a big way to celebrate. Instead, I tripped an emotional live wire and spent weeks in crisis.

It is so pedestrian to welcome your third decade by spiraling, and I thought I could avoid it because getting older didn't scare me. What scared me was the feeling that I lacked desire. That a lifetime of learning to place my sense of self squarely within the bounds of my perception and my pursuit of pleasure within the bounds of my resourcefulness was for naught. That it meant nothing because I lacked the imagination to ask for more.

I calmed down and celebrated. People I love made me feel special, even though I didn't ask. But a bit of the feeling lingered, especially as I realized I could have thrown the last big bash before weeks, then months, and then a year of isolation. As per usual, I didn't cope, I just baked about the feelings and made myself a beautiful half-birthday cake six months later.


That six-month delay in processing my feelings about my birthday-themed emotional turmoil feels very similar to the 6-weeks it has taken me to find a new home for this newsletter. It's easy to say that I'm proud of unsnackable when I measure it against my personal goal of writing more often and finding my voice. But finding another newsletter platform came with considerations of operational costs for me and my perception of the value I can provide each of you as readers.

Acknowledging that I am being perceived and internalizing positive feedback/ support I've gotten since starting this newsletter? A Herculean feat under the emotional duress of quarantine brain. I prevailed with the help of some smart friends and the purchase of a large easel-style notepad for organizing my thoughts.

Here's what that means for you, my beautiful snack obsessed acolytes:

Starting next week, Unsnackable will no longer be published on substack. If you are subscribed, you don't have to worry because it will automatically come to your inbox. If you are reading this on the web, you can subscribe here

I will still publish weekly free newsletters for my subscribers, but I will also introduce the option of paid subscriptions for $5/month. The paid monthly subscriptions will help to subsidize the time and operating costs associated with creating this beautiful newsletter that appears in your inbox. Paid subscriptions will also come with priority access to extra content like recipes inspired by unsnackables, deeper dives on the sweet + savory + thirsty + boozy snacks you love, and the ability to help influence the snacks that end up in the newsletter.

Thank you for your grace and patience during the transition, and thank you for reading this newsletter at all. I appreciate that you're here.

Now that we've gotten through the announcements, we can get to the fun stuff. Business in the front, party in the back doesn't just apply to the shocking cyclical trend cycle of mullets, it also applies to these unsnackables

the unsnackables


As a melanated person who has always been judicious about sunscreen usage, I only have a conceptual grasp of sunburn. So I only turn to aloe because it is delicious and because I long for the time before I realized how much sugar they pack into the giant bottles of "aloe drink." I can't feel sunburn, but I can feel a burning desire for the textural melange of aloe pulp and two types of peach in a creamy yogurt base.


If there is any fast-food chain that I've cultivated a Schrodinger's Cat type of relationship with, it's Subway. I am always craving it, but also never craving it, all at the behest of forces that seem to strike at random. I think these chips would allow me to climb out of the stressful confines of the quantum superpositioned cravings in a safe and controlled manner.


As a loyal believer in the long tradition of purple beverages, I think there is power in acknowledging our forebears and our history. Before ice pops and quarter waters, indigenous people in the region now known as Peru used purple corn as a base for a sweetened, spiced beverage called Chica Morada. Its popularity hasn't lagged across generations, and I want a taste of that longevity.


What I've realized over the last eight (!!) months of writing this newsletter is that I'm incapable of including unsnackables in this newsletter purely in jest. A few months ago I included a bubble-gum flavored iced tea for bros because I thought I was disgusted by the flavor and amused by the branding. But I have forged a deep affinity for the bro tea company and have followed their every step since I learned about them. That is why I am free to admit that despite my disdain for the novelty beer complex, I am very interested in this prawn cocktail potato chip flavored beer. Shrimp flavored beer might be a bridge too far, but adding the crisps to the flavor profile is a necessary bridge to possible greatness.

I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.34 of unsnackable.

If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.

Think you’ll miss me before unsnackable v.35 comes to your inbox? follow me on other parts of the internet and tell me about what you’re snacking on

I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.

I like sending something nice to your inboxes for free every week, but if you’d like to support my snack related endeavors you can find me on venmo at thefolu or on paypal

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