immoral sprinkles and bread drink

unsnackable vol. 39



Jun 14 2021

5 mins read


In a facile attempt to plan a summer where pleasure-seeking impulses motivate my actions more often than anxiety and shame, I've started to pre-game my life. I'm not talking about pre-gaming in a classic sense. I mean, adding a leisurely air of anticipation to getting myself out the door. 

Urgency is entirely lost on me so I set aside blocks of time to commune with myself, to build up my tolerance for being perceived. I bring refreshments into the shower, sometimes cocktails, but more often hydration or energy. I set a soundtrack that swings between achingly nostalgic or current. I stand directly in front of a fan to help my makeup set before I go outside and sweat it off because I keep forgetting to buy setting spray. I whisper assurances, "this is just drinks" or "you're literally just buying groceries" or "you have no destination but you can raw dog the air now and your pores look great today" as I assemble ~big looks~ from a disjointed wardrobe. I step outside and i'm suddenly afraid that I forgot to blend out my makeup on my nose (always my nose). 


I don't think there is value in this, but there is comfort and that is all I require. 

I hope you share a similar appreciation for the process over the result because this is still a newsletter about snacks that you'll probably never get to try. So buckle up for another batch of inaccessible but intriguing hand-picked unsnackables

the unsnackables


If I am always thinking about pastry, then it is fair to say I occasionally have intrusive thoughts about sprinkles Not jimmies, not nonpareils but giant inedible ornaments most successfully monetized by a woman who is only one degree of separation from both the Osbourne family and the Pitch Perfect franchise. The worst variety comes with a safety disclaimer that doesn't stop thousands of clips online where bakers maddeningly pick up dozens of singular sprinkles and apply them to otherwise beautiful cakes and baked goods with tweezers. If there is a neutralizing force to that evil, it is this german candy in the same shape that is fully edible. This variety is a collaboration with a German influencer who seems to be the human equivalent of a Canva template with a flavor for every mood - raspberry for happiness(?), peach for mindfulness(??), and kiwi for coolness (???).


While I may not consider the Filet-O-Fish to be my gold standard of fast food, it is a sandwich that I have a deep affection for. It is partially earned by an inescapable brain worm of an ad campaign with IRL merchandise to match but mostly because it tastes much better than it should. While most large American and many international fast-food outlets carry whitefish sandwiches, it is rarer to see other types of fish on offer. This double stack of fried salmon patties combined with an egg-swirled chili crab sauce on a sourdough bun stands out in a crowded space. 


The dark, sweet flavor of kvass, a beverage made from a fermented rye bread base, is found throughout Asian and Central/ Eastern European countries. A lighter variety, white kvass, is less common but is gaining popularity. Much like its cousin kombucha, it can be paired with fruit juices. Think of it as a gift to your gut flora and your palate, this drink combines white kvass with smooth apple juice. 


I know a Pimm's Cup is technically a cocktail, but I think its adjacency to a boozy fruit salad is its greatest asset. It's much easier to appreciate the balance of power when you think of alcohol as the garnish instead of the other way around. This raspberry and redcurrant Pimm's apéritif doesn't require as much fruit, but I'd still be happy to crush too many on a summer day. 


I've fallen behind on chronicling my real-life snack adventures, but I still found time to make a lil' beverage fancam. 

I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.38 of unsnackable.

If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.

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I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.

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