milkshake confusion and frosting digestifs

unsnackable vol. 36

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Folu

May 24 2021

5 mins read

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I'm conversational, if not fluent in the language of pastry. The magic of grains milled into flour, cream churned into butter, the leftover buttermilk acting as a leavening agent when combined with baking soda. It's an inescapable thought process that runs in the background of my brain. I would find it annoying, but it has helped to make me a prolific baker.

Cakes are one of my favorite baked goods to create and consume for a simple reason: Frosting. I love taking a flavor profile and reverse engineering ways to churn it into a confection that leans further into creaminess than cloying sweetness. Bottled extracts rarely work outside of vanilla or almond, so concentrating flavors without making a waterlogged curdled mess takes extra effort sometimes. I had to learn how to turn a stockpot into a stovetop smoker to make cherrywood smoked butter that was the basis of a swiss buttercream on a brutalist whisky cake.

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People always ask me for slice shots when I bake cakes, but I am simply too hungry to capture one most of the time. Here's a rare one.

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I would sooner spontaneously combust before baking a cake from scratch, or even from a box (no shame in boxed mixes, one of my favorite white cake recipes is a doctored up box mix that does not hit as hard when it is made from scratch.) and topping it with canned frosting. But I was raised by canned frosting and it will always have a special place in my heart. Especially the tiny, portion-controlled packets of frosting that come with every box of toaster strudel.

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I used to ration my frosting, splitting one packet between two strudels and saving one as a digestif to prepare me for the mental warfare of a school day. I bought some toaster strudels the other day, and the frosting was still much better than I expected it to be. An enduring legacy of greatness.

Who knows if these snacks will stand the test of time but I can only hope that history will look kindly upon their inclusion as this week's unsnackables


the unsnackables



sweet


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Klondike might be known for encouraging moral ambiguity to obtain their ice cream bars and dubious interpretations of donuts but they are also one of the first American brands to launch a "milkshake in a pouch" similar to those sold in Japan and Korea. If you spend any time around children, the packaging is likely familiar, you just slurp the milkshake out of the pouch. I'm not sure if they're doing a good job communicating those instructions because I saw an American snack blogger on my insta TL suggesting that you cut the pouch in half and pour it into a glass. Meanwhile, in Japan, the Coolish pouch milkshake collaborated with these bugles-adjacent corn chips to create a salted vanilla flavor. The coned snacks are not meant to be used as adornments for your fingers but as miniature ice cream cones.  




savory


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I can't relate to Oprah mostly because you don't amass that much money without doing a few deeply immoral things, but I do relate to how much she loves bread. This beloved onion baguette-themed snack was recently relaunched for the first time in 15 years, as a boon to bread and snack lovers alike. It is supposed to walk the line between sweet and savory so I'd be curious to see if the onion flavor contributes to the sweetness.




thirsty


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Elderflowers and lemon is a combination that I am legally prohibited from refusing because it is always delicious. I am positive that Romanian Elderflower Lemonade is enjoyable in every form, but this beverage also includes apricot vinegar, a syrup made from quinine/cinchona bark, lavender, and cardamom. It sounds overwhelming but in a delicious way.



boozy


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The bright yellow Craboo fruit is known for having a creamy texture and a borderline savory flavor. The creaminess makes it a welcome addition to desserts and helps it create the flavor in this creamy liqueur that puts Bailey's to shame. Craboo fruit is often mashed and eaten with condensed milk, and that just makes me want to pour this liqueur over a big bowl of sweet cream ice cream.


I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.36 of unsnackable.

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