sentient candy floss and crunchy oxen

unsnackable vol. 38



Jun 07 2021

4 mins read


It is easy to look at the American over-reliance on cars and see a failure of infrastructure and policy but there's something about driving with the windows down blasting Young Thug on a 68-degree morning that makes me admit that Henry Ford made some points. I've been reveling in the novelty of car travel because I'm untethered from the reality of commuting. Also, because I never committed to buying a grandma cart to tote my groceries around the city and it has been so long that a deviation from my shopping list didn't feel like a logistical complication.

Still, the aimless frustrations of driving during construction season in Minnesota never end but if I wasn't trying to redraw my mental map of roads I once knew without thinking I probably wouldn't have ended up in a Menards parking lot with freshly fried cheese curds. 



The American Dream is a fallacy but freshly fried cheese curds taste like dairy exceptionalism. Exceptional is also how I'd describe my picks for this week's unsnackables

the unsnackables


If a culture has a fluffy sugar confection, imma be first in line to try it. While I have spent most of my sentient life dreaming of owning a cotton candy machine, I think I prefer the hand-pulled candy floss varieties instead. Tiny bits of pistachio add crunch and texture to this Turkish take on the treat. 


Oxtail is arguably my favorite cut of meat, even though the name lies because it is just beef and not oxen. In similar logic, these roast ox chips are roast beef flavored. I love a good roast, even if it is crunchy and comes out of a bag. 


Swiss cows are known for their beauty and for their idyllic lives that are occasionally cut short by contented acts of distracted stupidity. As a beautiful person who has made some idiotic passive decisions in my life, I identify with them. This drink is like the swiss cousin of Calpis/Calpico, fizzy and made with whey for richness/texture. There are several varieties but herbal notes of green tea seem like they'd shine the strongest in this format.


Sometimes I find a snack that makes me write fan fiction about the life I could live if I had regular access to it. And while a canned beer and blue mixed fruit energy drink shandy isn't a beverage that lends easily to romanticizing, I can't help it. I feel like this drink would make me the type of girl who could do euphoria makeup after a single attempt and that I'd also own a perfect latex bustier to pair with artfully distressed boyfriend jeans. A life of simplicity, essentially.

a housekeeping note

You received an extra edition of unsnackable in your inbox last week that was originally published last September. The platform switch since I left substack is still a work in progress, so I hope you enjoyed re-living history and reading the inaugural edition of this newsletter. I appreciate your patience during this process. 

I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.38 of unsnackable.

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